the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
