Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In America we eat man semen.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
