u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
