I hate your face
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
