he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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