dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
