Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
