I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
