I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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