so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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