the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
