I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
