i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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