thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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