Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
