He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
