DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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