I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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