why didn't you poke me back
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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