she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
