I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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