Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
