I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
