I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How external is "for external use only"?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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