like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
