I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
