and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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