y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
