dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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