Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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