At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
