remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
