How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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