Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
