We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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