Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
