So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
