i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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