I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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