The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
