Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
