what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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