Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
