I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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