I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
