Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
