dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
