Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
