I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
