He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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